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Ebonhawk's Journal

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Okay I think I should at least mark this date. I have pushed my emergency move into full swing. Fairbanks (with it's many names has won. I can only evacuate as fast as possible and sell the house. The timing is hard and I am fighting every one. All the family that think they can help but have already pushed me back behind the schedule. I have little time or money to work with. But I am getting ahead of myself. This is the story of what happens when you try to deal with the hand you are dealt.

Here is my story

In the real world I started off not middle class but much lower. My school didn't have computers, or even recent books. the closest I could come to it was to make my own out of cardboard. I was a burden on society by virtue of my birth. To dark. To poor and in the wrong city. Honestly, 'they' made it seem as if we should be happy to have lights and 3 balls (2 baseballs and a dodge ball) . My life was no valuable and it was communicated to me early on. But I had dreams and desires. I wanted to tell stories and think thoughts for my own reasons. I didn't think to dream to be a writer or a philosopher. I have those gifts and I would have been good at both but someone told me that in the fields of math and logic, color did not matter. You couldn't be held back because of were you were born. I liked that. I wanted to succeed. Not for money but for something else.

I had to survive the slow deaths of those around me. They called me "white' to break my spirit but honestly I didn't let it. they were just trying to kill my dream. I cried and I hurt. All the screams of me not being black enough did have one effect although early one I was good with girls the attacks of everyone in the community (child and adult) killed that. I never recovered socially. But like I said it was partly my fault. I liked people for them for the things within them. That is why I was JChin's best friend. They saw him as white because he was Chinese. I saw him as someone I could play computer games with.

I went to high school choosing it not for it's proximity but because it has the most valuable of assets...a computer. I worked and I learned. Sometimes my other talents showed up but I focused every moment of my being in to my goal. I tried to get my share of social life but that was a big mistake. I was the hated one that had the nerve to not follow the lead of others. I chose friends first on the basis of interests and intelligence and I didn't care about religion or race. I gathered around me the best and the brightest that I could reach. Some where black from the bad part of town and some were white from the bad part of town and some were middle classed but no matter what their was no exclusive thing except for the fact that they were all guys. I hated that part until I recruited C. She was a cute blonde girl. A tomboy but very smart. I liked that. I like smart girls. I expect it of them. After all can't have a gaming group with out a smart girl or two. (I would have taken more but heck she was into more sports then everyone else in the group put together. )

Now to jump forward past a lot of soap opera. I went to college and promptly ran out of money in the first year. that was when I found out that my parents while poor worked just hard enough not to be OFFICALLY poor. Poor parents can't help me with the money so I went to work. It took years to get through but I did. Eventually I even got to work in the game industry. I made money testing games. During my time there, I had an opportunity to get a house. At the time I thought it was a fine idea. but I really was incredulous. It was at a good price but the price on it was right even if the circumstances were not. The house was reconditioned and had all the good things that a house should have Central heat and air and weather proofing. I made the deal but at the closing table things changed. the interest rate went up to 10% there was a second mortgage for 35% of the value of the house. I should have seen the signs, but I didn't know what a flipper was. How could I know? I paid for it anyway.

The deal was ugly. Taxes were not included. Neither was insurance. Some of the repairs did not last the month. I throw myself into repairs and work to pay of r repairs. I was supposed to loose the house. I didn't. I kept going. My job didn't stay stable. My company was taken over twice and all I could do was to keep ducking and dodging. My entire department invented new matrix moves. We survived. (another theme in my life) It was only when I was in mourning for the death of my father that my department had been axed. It seemed that someone in the main office was upset that another office was preferred by all the delopers!

I was out of a job for a month before I found another job making 20% less take home without overtime. Ouch. I took in a boarder and found out a new definition Redlining. That sucked. I tried to do other things but hey I didn't know but the constant resale of my mortgage was to have a nasty side-effect. It settled on a company called Fairbanks. I paid them like everyone else but right away I noticed a problem. though I have provided them 4 times with information about my mortgage they claimed never to have gotten it. They put insurance on my property and would not pay my issuance. they harassed me for more money on this insurance I did not need or ask for. they claimed that my company was fly by night. I reminded them that they were older then the USA. they claimed they were not accredited. I told them that they insure the property of the government, fortune 500 companies and properties in the EU! they claimed It was not verified, I sent copies of the entire policy, had my agent and the company all send them copies. Then they claimed it was just too late to change anything.

They tried to foreclose even tough I had paid every thing up to that point. I stopped them. I have been stopping them and fighting them for three years. Tenets have taken money from me and I beat them back. I fought them and now they are going to finally win. They have has a law firm and I get one lawyer to file briefs every now and then. So I have to leave my home and fight them from somewhere else. As a result everything will be turning off. This net connection being one of those things. I will not be able to even look back to see what anyone else may say.

That is not what hurts though. What hurts is what I am loosing. Not the house or the stuff I must abandon. Not the money in equity I am loosing and my records which they have destroyed with their plots and attacks on me. What kills me is that I am loosing the thins I wanted to have most. I am loosing my goal. To be a respected member of my community. To be an independent man that can stand on my own two feet. That was my ultimate goal. I gave up my writing and my love of philosophy and even my social life suffered as I tried to reach my goal and now I see the goal slipping away.

Maybe it is like they say,..."Just a dream....it is just a dream"

(Fairbanks has changed names but here is some of the info you need to know.

The dreamer has left the building.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

7:20AM - This explains everything

This explains everything to me. No wonder they can't effectively deal with the irregular fighters that are attacking them and they regularly add to the ranks of their enemies with every action that they take.

An intelligent military would recognize that those with high intelligence and a hunger for situational strategy would like RPGs. The Israeli military is not rational or they would look for those persons that are into this hobby and search for the ones that are most capable within it.


RPGs are actually an outgrowth of strategic games. After years of making scenarios based on story, RPGs started off as a simple adjunct to those starting strategies. The story and the battle moving fluidly together instead of the story handing off to the strategic elements. The military that recognizes the value of RPGing in training and finding those that are good at it and strategy will find that they as a force will better be able to locate terrorists, bombs and other irregular combatants. Article link - http://www.ynetnews.com/articles//0,7340,L-3052074,00.html

This is an governmental situation that is as silly as it is sad.

The RPGer is capable of creative imagining. Some are silly and some are stupid. Some are losers and some are cool. just like everyone else. However, those that are good at RPGs, are capable of thinking that will help them guess as to what an unseen enemy what is going to try to do next. If information is available to smart persons with that capability then they will better be able to cut these unseen enemies off before the enemy can get the attack off.

This military is not capable of understanding this and is only capable of seeing the outside of the situation. "they are just weird people" they think and they prevent themselves from seeing a valuable resource. I would guess they do that in other places as well...like every Arab face they see they must also assume is the enemy, too.

Thus AB and his evil cohorts get stronger and they become more isolated.

Good job guys.

Friday, January 28, 2005

6:58AM - A final posting?

Yeah. That may be the case. My monitor displays in two colors sorta like a sephia tone. I am using a back up that works after 3 hours of proding- sometimes. So that would keep me off line effectively.

On the final up side, Yeff is dead or dying. I am almost happy about that. I do believe in the reed enough to say, I told you so.

For the record, I may be loosing my home in the next couple of days ..so I guess this is going to be goodbye.

Current mood: depressed

Monday, January 17, 2005


I think I have decided something. I have done all I can in AF. the room doesn't need me and I am not really happy there. It is odd. I generally like the furs there but I am not happy. Not at all. Maybe it is because I really don't belong there. I am not always there. I will take a leave I think. No notice just absence. I don't think I will have any fun from this either. But I am so bored. I am now boring others. Too much gossiping is going on and I try to help others get better but that is not working very well either. What the hell? I am feeling the enemy on me again. It hurts to breathe. Man I am tired of using plastic cutlery but right now I mentally know that this is for the best.

I think I should get rid of this damn app too. Last couple of times this helped and I was even smart enough to erase them. I don’t feel like it now. After all I am going to loose my house in the next couple of weeks. No one will be able to find me then.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

11:37PM - Stupid Expectations and Feminism as Foolishness

I want to make a note of the foolish and moronic nature of "lesbianism" as a refuge from Male expectations. The concept is ludicrous yet I see it all the time and I hate it. It makes me want to barf.

What broght this on - sapphic_kin. A group that proports to "Celebrating Lesbian and BiFem Otherness" An imense lie. If you read though the info presented you will see this little proviso: "Sapphic Kin is intended as a haven from masculine expectations of lesbianism. Women only are admitted into membership, " This is not a celebration of anything but yet another pathetic attempt at steriotyping others. They say that "Therianthropes and the Furry Fandom. All three movements have in common the belief that many of us are human, but also something else," but if you are male then that something else is clearly defined in the mind of the founder. This is not a celebration of anything when you would have to lie to speak with others that like what you do.

I only have two kinds of relationships I can enjoy (best) and that is lesbian (true Sapporo with a focus on beauty and art as part of a sensual works) and romance. These for me are mainstays and yet over and over again I am told because I am male that I will put expectations on others.

For the record I have never done that to any one and if a person has that feeling they have never talked to me. I am an enabler for everyone to grow and express themselves. I know it is soooo American of me but I like the 1st amendment. To those females that think that I will put something on them because I am a male are instead doing that to me.

I have only two things I demand of others - happiness and growth. Yes I am a liger and I enjoy a pride of fems but they enjoy each other and that I enjoy as well. The player that is this cat can play many ways but to imagine that he would push a prejudice on others of his sex is just as good as those that HAVE attacked him because of his human race. It is an 'ism' just like any other. When it is done to lesbians is it wrong. When it is done to females it is unjust. It is not acceptable to me just because this time it is being applied to men.

Friday, December 26, 2003

10:31AM - More Balance

I am constantly surprised that othersare happy to see me. In fact, I get the real feeoling that they wanted me to join them at work sooner. I really don't undertand this. My negatiity, basted in reality or not, should have turned them off. Oh well. I guess there really is no accounting for the tastes of others. I don't know if I like anything aout this job. I am basically unhappy all the time but at least at this point, I know that my unemployment has run out and that I haev no chance of making my personal life better. i can't really say more then that with out making others barf. The funny thing is that so many persons think I can just go out and find someone.


By the way did I mention that I hat the hollidays. Have since grandfather died four days before Christmas.

A couple of weeks ago I actually admitted to my mother that I wanted to take Doug (my live in father) his cillection of jazz figurines. He loved them. But I didn't want something to happen to them. I WAS WRONG AND STUPID> IF something had happened to them that would have been bad but it would also have been worth the risk. At least for a little while he could have drawn some strngth from them. I don;t know why I did it. I hope it wasn't some hidden anger or vengance on my part that I had no knowlefge of.

Since (like most of the country) I have the Flu, I am going to do one smart thing and shut the heck up and go to work.

Current mood: sick

Monday, December 15, 2003

12:48PM - Balanced News

I just realized that I tend to give bad news out to anyone who asks but rarely give even marginally good news out unless it is asked. This is sorta a violation of my balenced view of life. Well here is a more balanced assessment of my current issues.

I have a new job doing apple programs support (Of course a different computer environment then the one I usually work in but I am not unfamiliar with it.) but I also have lost my van. Yeah my one most favorite thing and the vehicle I need to get to work. Found a replacement vehicle for 'cheap' but then if failed inspection and needs more the $1,500 in work. Say ouch now. So I am now looking for a third and final vehicle to last me through the winter.

Odd how life causes me much balance like that.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

10:10PM - Things will bet better for you

I went to my job today. I got to my job an my van lost it's antifreeze. then I tried to get a pas card and I got the first bad on issued in months.

Did I mention that I broke down on the belt eway, blew a head gasket, eter pump and radiator. My car is toast. I need it to get to my new job, but if I don't have it I can't get to my job. So if I miss two days, I loose that job as well.

And they keep saying I should be happy to god and am so luckly..

and things will get better. .BullS

10:06PM - Battlestar And Beyond

Battlestar Galactica was amoung the more rancid moments of Sci-fi history. why so. well let me see.

Women - Every women in the story was not just a sexual being but a sexually oriented to the exclusion of almost everything else, individual. The cyclon women were all over the guys. The Female president and every other one screamed alot. (Women in commanding and controlling positions try not to scream as men shut down with this kind of behavor.

The perfect paraellel lives story of Apollo (family man hero), Starbuck gambling ladies man anti-hero) and Boomer (tech savy responsible lonely guy) is changed to Appollo (as a call sign and angry brat with a chip on his shuoulder angry man), Starbuck (insitful wild WOMAN in love with her dead lover's brother) and Boomer (a female Cylon immossitor). If you are a story teller you don't have to be fold how little respect I have for these changes.

SEX. It happened in Battlestar galactica but ther was never a focus on it In one 15 minute period, ther were the beginsns or endings of three sex acts. Anfd this was suppossed to be a Family show.

Guns. Battlestar galactica had beam weaoons and supper science. they were suppossed to be more advanced then US by centuries. But they use stuff that is only a few years away realy. No lasers and not cool.

Adama visionary no more. One of the great dreamer chaactes of Sci-fi change into a Old solider. Nuff said.

The combat. If this didn't look like Space Above and beyond nothing did. now don't get me wrong I liked space above and beyond...but it was fun and believeable. the women faught like soilders and the men respected them for it. this show had the nearve to take every convention from this show including refuring to vipers as a airship;

No Collonial culture. It may have been mseesed up sometimes, but the colonies were differnet in many ways so when their culture changed you noted it. Also Egyptian/mayan culture or the original show was lost. I loved that stuff.

Good part. teh new battle star and viper designs were good sans the weapons.

Nuff said.

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

3:51AM - The truth of the axis of Love and Despair

I am alone. this is my faith until the end. I know this to be true. Though I am a romantic I survive without love not because I believe in the LIE that school children are taught. - NO it is not true that there is someone for everyone that is a hope and a prayer and even more so a lie in my case. I survive because i can feel the emotions of others. i can't feel if a person has a male or female spirit but i can feel happiness and pain.

As a survival stratagy it sucks. I long for the thing that I can sence in others. without it i would kill myself and NO friendship, or family or kindness can EvER REPLACE this need. It is a part of my soul needs like my lungs are needed for me to breathe. So it is my selfishness that makes me want others to be happy. I help any that wont love to find it with great capiblity and can't do that for myself. So it makes sense. I have to be evil inside or in motives. That has to be right?

I know that is not really true but I so need that to be true so i can have something for me to hang on to. A reason I live this lie of a life and desirve this fate of lonliness and ultimately death. . IF it is this selfish ess then it makes sence that I am alone. See it fits even if it is a big lie.

So I need others to be happy. I need it baddly. Itis the only love I have and the reason that I feel bad. After all, Ineed others to be happy bt their happiness is a constent reminder that I am alone. the Irony is not wasted on me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

11:33PM - A little more truth about my life.

Would you believe that I found a person in a chat room that said he hates people like me because I am a tragic hero. What a Jackass (that should keep this blog off of that crazy tech TV show). Any what I figured I should at least write a little of my life down to see if I am a tragic hero or not.

When I was a child I used to seek out the hurting and down trodden. It just made since that they should be smiling. I would talk to anyone. On story that was told is that of me and my grandmother. She had been hurt really bad by a husband that was bad. I stayed with her and talked to her until she put the knife back in the drawer. I (at the time) didn't know what was going on but I was happy to see her smile.

I was abused sexually by an uncle for years . He told me that it was love. I believed him. At the time and as a poor person there was no help for it. I just had to get thought it on my own. I just figured it was my fault.

I was chased by the Klan at summer Camp. I got away from them and thought I was so smart. I didn't want to thing it was bad but heck I wanted an adventure. And they didn't catch me cause I had found a place to hide from the older boys that picked on the little kids. I sorta lead them all to attack them back and so I got singled out for special attention - my fault.

Then I have been run out of many neibourhoods in Baltimore. See it is (then even more so then) was a very defacto segregated city. I just ignored that blacks aren't allowed around here signs that EVERYONE ELSE knew not to cross.

But I knew I could take a beating. I had been beaten on and verbally assaulted by one of my mother's boyfriends. they call it physical abuse now and then and the emotional abuse title would also apply to that relationship if I listened but as he had already hit me I ignored him. I did get to see a physiologist for the physical abuse but never did get around to the other stuff. (one visit with the dA's head shrinker doesn't really leave much time for that.)

Also, I never did listen to those in the community (mother included) that told me that I should not have 'Jimmy' Chin as a best friend. After all he was Chinese and I am (if you haven't guessed) black. And I didn't hate the korean merchant and didn't much notice white people for 'the threat that they are'. So It was put to me a couple of times, either I loose the Chinese friend or I would not be welcome in the 'community'. I chose friendship. I lost many friends and was attacked a few times for that but the choice seemed dumb and I told them, isn't friendship really important. the funny thing was that Jimmy mostly choose to hand around the Korean kids after it became just him and me. I was not really invited......

Once, I saw a Korean kid, call him HJ, and he had this tendency to like making people angry and so he would be a nuisance and he did this to a group of druggies and unemployed guys. they decided to beat the heck out of him. My friend Jimmy ran home and said that he was told not to get involved. (honestly he had no desire to fight anyone for any reason anyway. ) I may have been smaller then them but I would not let a kid get beat up. I stepped in and got hit and all but when they realized they were beating up a little black kid and not the Korean that had ticked them off. then I sorta shamed them into backing off. it didn't fully work but it gave me a moment to grab the kid and get him out of the alley where he was and get him home. The moment I got him home his family attacked me - physically. The funny part is that my friend had actually run to the Korean store and they protected him and tried to call the police on me. It was eventually worked out but I never felt trusted by them. funny how that works.

My life sorta runs like that over and over again. In Jr. high I stood between a physically abusive husband and his torn and beaten 'loving wife' In high school I got run out of all the 'white' neiburhoods for visiting friends and not two or three years ago I worked at a local walkathon and had to stop a CEO that was caught cheating from attacking a 5' nothing 105 pound soaking wet women.

Of course, I have always been a romantic and alone. no girl friends and laughed at if I asked. heck I have been able to secure two dates in two decades. I suffer dark depression and have no friends. So I guess I am really a looser and my life have sometimes been heroic and sometimes tragic. but I am no tragic hero - I am a survivor. That is all I am no more and no less.

Current mood: annoyed

Friday, October 24, 2003

3:44AM - Group Restrictions

This is not really a furry group problem but onw that I had elsewhere
in a group called adarkershadeofpale. I tried to join the group
because It was for 'black' and other minoriies that are often alone
in grops in which they are the VAST minority. Of course, being a
black with goth leanings, I clearly should have fit in the group.

They denighed me and wouldn't answer requests as to why this was the
case. When I checked the web page of the group they added that this
is not a pick up group for sex. I found this very funny since my
profile at the time listed my primary intrests as phillosophy and
writing And said that I was taken and the group accepted Doms/Subs.
I could only figure that the reason is that it was because of my furry intrests.

I was very angry. I then made a different ID tailored so they would
think I ws the 'perfect' member. They accepted it and I told their
group that I was unfairly rejected and told them that if they are
going to reject me for liking furry as a self-styled shamen then they
should reject me cause I like hard rock music and Sci-fi and am a
history buff. Then they did what I expected (and wrote in the
postthat they would do), the deleated that post and my other
membership to their group.

They live in this area, I live in and rejected me. Now I feel even
more alone really. That is okay, I really am marking time till I die
anyway, but it would hav been nice once just once to be in a group of
people that liked the things I did and not be the 'black furry' or
the 'black goth' or anything else except fo just me.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

5:02AM - Thoughts about triads

How come no bi-lesbians ever look for a guy to make tem a triad?

Seems odd to say right, but if grouping into sexual/adult relationships of more then two is suppossed to be normal how come this situation never occurs. I think that maybe the reason is that the urge to do this is male. So maybe that means that people may not truely need to live in these realsionships and thus this is a vanity that I feel. To be even more correct, the urge to have multiple female mates is a feline male mating urge that many men have. I wish I didn't.
Nia, who I have taken as an OL mate, found someone in the real world. So I know the lock is ticking until she no longer wants to be with me or her rl finds out about me and asks her to end it. That is usual.

Also on-line. My 'slave' girl left me about a month ago. I actually left her. I could have left her a message but she had tried on multiple occassions to take control of the relationship. When she refused a scene in public humiliation and then changed the nature of our lovemaking unilaterallym she showed me that she was not used to being a slave ol. And rhen she insisted that she be allowed to gang bang. This from a 'girl' that swore that she liked other girls, Totally unacceptible play. Once she realized her mistakem, she found a female to make a MFF ol with. But it was to late, She was playing with me in a way that was not cool. I am a fair ARPer and all but that was just silly. I hate gangbangs. And I am only happy with women. I am intense in my ability to be romatic and strong in my will power. That is why I am so odd. I am shy but have no fear. I am romantic and still like polyrelationships, but think that Menage events (sex not relationships) are just selfish and stupid. I some times forget that I will not truely be happy in this world or any other. I was born to make the lives of others harder and to die in misery and pain - alone.

I have been making sites like mad lately. I am working on my third, but I guess that is to be expected as I am on the road so often with my laptop and lost of time - waiting in lines and for doctors to see those I am shuttleing and helping out. Not to mention the other issues I am dealing with. I am such a fool. My loniness is only going to make me hurt more. But that is the funny part. Nia used to want me to make her feel loved and now that love that she got from me is not needed. She can't even RP the words. She doesn't even realizze that this is the truth ot it yet. That is okay. I am swimmig in jelously about an event that I saw occuring and wanted for her so she could be happy. I really don't know which is truely the worst death. Drowning in loniness or jelously.

One last funny thing before (I prey) the hurricane comes to sweep me away. Nia thinks that I know alot about making love to a women and making them feel good. The funny thing is that she is correct, but if only she knew the reason is that his is one of my talents and one that is meant to be a ironic gift. (Skills to make love and no ope to practice with and morals that prevent me from even hiring a pro.) Wish I could drink. .

Current mood: Painned

Friday, August 15, 2003

12:14PM - Review - Exitinoners : Tales of the Endangered

Exitinoners : Tales of the Endangered

Okay it is a little late to do, but here it the review of the first fan-annual for Shawntae Howard’s Extinctioners Universe. As a way of disclaimer and reason, I bought this issue I have of the comic from Mr. Howard at Anthrocon 2003. When I was there he asked that I tell him what I think. I doubt I was the only one, but unfortuantley he made the mistake of asking me. Oppie. Thus here is my review of the comic and the items within. If you contributed and don’t have an artist’s iron tail yet, you may want to avoid this review. I am not very nice when I wear this hat. The last Caviot I have here is that the book was made by fans of the book and not artists with their own comic credits. I take this into account, but I will still call them like I see them.

Title Broken Silence
Credits Art and story Brian Neal
Artwork 4*
Lettering 2*
Story 1*
Overall` 3
Pandora Lee gets a little action in the woods. I read through this 10 Page comic article in about 2 minutes - twice. The reason, there was almost nothing to read. The story was non-existant as far are an actual storyline is concerned. So why does this get a 3. stars for an overall rating? First of all, I love panda girls. Second of all I like martial arts. third the artwork is very good. But there is NO STORY!. The bag guys just jump out of nowhere and the heroine easily rips in to them. Have a nice day. Now don’t get me wrong you don’t need words for a great story as the famous GI Joe Snake Eyes issue showed, but this is just an old fashioned beat-em up that last ten pages. And by page 6 I was really done with it and just looking at a well drawn figure of Pandora. What this person did right was that he realised that a comic book super heroine must have and use action. This article comprises a huge percentage of the action frames in this book. Also, I should note that the creator did a fairly good job of continuity.

Title The Letter
Credits Blair Bryant
Artwork 3
Lettering 2
Story 2
Overall 2
Four pages in length, The Letter looks an awful lot like a Mary Sue fantasy gone awry. I have obviously seen this story before. and it is done well enough here. The link to the Exticntioners universe is minimal but the story’s content makes that almost a requirement. I don’t want to say to much about the article because if you haven’t read this story elsewhere, then you may like it. For those that have read many other fan-comics or read enough Mary sues, then this will not entertain. The art is okay but one of the weaker examples in the book over all. I give full credit to the artist for at last trying a story with more complex formatting in-panel - even though it sometimes didn’t work.There is some action button as much as there is story.

Title Teamwork
Credits Nick Hardin (Pencils and Letters) & John Silipino (inks)
Artwork 1
Lettering 3
Story 2
Overall 2
Teamwork is a short four page story featuring Red, Scarlet and Atrica. Now let me say I really respect this pair for trying a.story of this type. The creators had a cool idea of trying to deal with the love triangle between the foxes. The skills used were elementary but I could almost feel the fan in this piece. It ooze through and I like that par of it. It feels good to see that in a article. That the artwork is maybe the worst in the book and the plot could have been done more originally and the feel of the book is an awful lot like ninja High school, it was fun and a worthy edition to the book.

Title Homesick
Credits Denis Hu (Story and Pencils) & (Inks) Lisa Yang and D. Hu
Artwork 2
Lettering 3
Story 2
Overall 2
Homesick.is another short 4 page story where Phenix attempts to discover what Warfare and Jacob really think about Earth. The art is fine and actually it would like better coloured then in black & white. The best thing I can say is that it is a very pleasent light hearted story with nice enough art (loved the little bird mark expressions marks for Phenix). The biggest mistake and yet another reason that artist should have writers or editors check the work if they are going to do it all, is that eh punch line for the story occurs a page before it is revealed.

Title In the Next Action-packed Episode of Extinctioners
Credits Gnaw
Artwork 3
Lettering 3
Story 2
Overall 2
Gnaw is a nice artist and creates a story unlike any that we will (hopefully) never see in the Extictioners again. It is good for a laugh however it didn’t really work for me. It is a very classic formula for a comic and worth the read if you have seen nothing like it before.

Title A Prelude to Star fall
Credits Style Wager (Story & Pencils), Michael D. Seymour (inks), Greg Older (Graytones and Lettering).
Artwork 3
Lettering 3
Story 3
Overall 3
The 5 page A prelude to Starfall is set on the other side of the tracks. It s a mood piece that would be a very good backup piece for the regular comic. It has a story that is interesting enough, but not a strong stand alone story. It nearly attempts to give the consequences of a Extinctioner’s actions and a background mood for one of the bad guys. Not something that is often seen in a fan annual and a truly gutsy choice. Very much worth a look and one of the better stories.

Title The Nam Gamer
Credits Ed “Teflon Cougar’ Smith & Art Black Rabbit
Artwork 4
Lettering 4
Story 4
Overall 4
This Name Game is a story that shows where a certain future Extinctioner fox gets her favorite name.This is not a superhero story but a really nice cute story in a relatively un tapped vain. It works well and even better if you know the universe’s cosmology. I personally think this is the best article in the book. Easily worth a repeat as a backup story.

Title An Old Flame
Credits Steven R. Addlesse
Artwork 3
Lettering 3
Story 2
Overall 2
An An old Flame, Phienix revisits an old flame. The story not really very unique and in many ways is a tad simple if it was not for the fantastic persons and cheatures involved. Clearly the story has elements of Mary sue in it and could have been done a little sharper but it runs well enough. I will note that some of the art gets a little dark on the page from blackened rooms and one panel is just to hectic for my taste. The story is fine however and play out like something you see almost every time this situation pans out in the real world. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not. My major problem with this story is that it really only is about the mary sue personality in the story and Phenix and her friends are just visitors in the story. this pulls the focus from the characters I care about and puts it on someone I really don’t. (Funny enough, the story would have been better and more moving with less words. and a different structure. As a result, it is a fine story but nothing I really care to see again.

Title Passionate Gag Battle#2
Credits Zen Migawa
Artwork 1
Lettering 2
Story 1
Overall 1
Passionate Gag Battle #2 is in a single word confusing. I had to read this little 1-page shot, three times to get it. Once I did the problems where clear. What is the Gag.? Did you feel compelled to slam it all into one page. I am sorry to say but I know Zen can do much better then this piece. I can recommend it for those that can’t ever get enough of watching vixens fight. And for some they will get a laugh out of it. Also if you like some of the more manic anime like Fooly Cooly, I am certain that this little one-pager will still make you smile. It just didn’t do it be me this time. (Personal note: Don’t stop working just one stupid review just means do more- keep the faith.)

Title Exinctoners : Yin Yang
Credits Lim Guo Liang
Artwork 4
Lettering -
Story -
Overall -
The last four pages of the book are dedicated to Lim’s visions of his favourite book. How do I know this? I found Lim years back and he did a couple of commissions for me of my characters and winged wolf fursona - Lupohawk. So I am biased. I also don’t have much to review here. The four pages he has here are just his visions of the Rxicutioners universe. They are done very well but no story is offered. He is an excellent artist and worth the look.

Overall book
Continent 3
The book has what I would require from a fan annual. It has as good set of stories in that some are excellent and could be backup to the actual comic book. The only things lacking are solid original one shot stories that I could (and would) like to see in a regular issue of the comic book. This is something that I like to see in such a book but it can’t be a requirement. But as it lacks this it can’t be as rounded a 4-star book of this type. Still three is excellent.

Layout 3
The only major fault I could think about is that the better stories tended to begin about the middle of book. I would have much preferred to see the strongest stories interspead a little more evenly with the weaker ones. Other then that the layout of the book was just fine. I really liked pandas so putting Pandora in lead of worked for me.

Satisfaction 3
I like to measure satisfaction based on a fairy simple scale. If only tried and true fans of the series would like this type of book, it would be a 1. If anyone that enjoyed the book would like this book, then it is a two. If most fans of the book’s generally would like the book then three and if the book is good enough to make new fans of the series then i is a four. Well, if You like furries or super heros you should find something in the book to like. Thus it is a three (3) but I would have to put in a slight caviot. The action in the book is limited and old school comic fans will note that the book has few stories that are filled with action and what pathos that there is may not be to your liking. That slight warning said, this comic is worth picking up at the shop.

Personal notes:
Personal Favourite piece: The cover.Pretty well-executed and perfect for the mood of the artwork within.
Biases: I am a furry, Otaku, Warhammer maniacal, comic crazy, heart-bleeding writer, fantasy loving, sci-fi reading, Martial arts practising photographer.

Monday, July 14, 2003

9:37PM - The funny truth

I was chating with a couple of furs reciently. Honestly, it is a little more like TS then chat. But the truth was that I was struck by what they all said. They were certain that I was a very nice male. maybe even great mating/relationship material. Of course they were really not availible. But it is funny in that every female I talk to is not availible and thinks I am a good catch. Funny. Not really. I guess my genes should die off along with my slowly wilting heart.

FYI, I will try to make it to AC. I can make it but still I have to make it. Not that I will enjoy the con as much as I promiced it to myself. It was a silly promice that I shouldn't have made. At least I can try to pitch my comic series.

Current mood: blank

Thursday, July 3, 2003

4:47PM - Favorate freeware for the Day - NOTESBROWSER

Notesbrowser is a freeware program that lets you keep track of little notes on you computer and use acouple of small useful programs. This fairly small program has a lot of fun packed into a little a few megs. it is fairly stable and lets you access things that you want with the press of a button. The only issue I have had with this program is that moving the activation button sometimes leads to unpredicible activation responces. My favoite sub-program is the pizza timer. I have it linked to a Galaxy Rangers wav file and use it for microwaving my Lean Cuisines.

Tuesday, July 1, 2003

5:22PM - One gone and all is better

Finally remembered that grygon was still on my friens list. That was stupid. I should have known beter then put it off. After she called me a lier about how I felt about her I should have cut her out of my life in every way right then. I don't lie about my heart. Ever. There is no greater sin in all the universe then that. She is a very ugly person. Not on the outside. Not because of what she loves, no she is ugly because of what she believed about HERSELF and her desire..no.. obsession with making those that like her treat her poorly.

Not all of us get this treatment - just the guys that could love her. Well to hell with that. I can understand and deal with the mental disorders and the problems she has to deal with. My mother taught me to read with psychology text books. But I can't and won't deal with anyone that will not trust me to speak the truth when it is so clear from the facts that it is the truth. Hell, I helped her in every endevor and she tells me that she can't believe me when I say that she looks fine and that I really like her. Naw, that couldn't be why I (a devout leerker on every one of the 100+ groups I look at) became a moderator on hers when she asked. Right, I just was setting her up to say that I REALLY liked her. I mean that is the way to do it. I mean most guys say that they love you and I think we really click and then after they sleep with the girl (especally virgins) - then the guy is happy with his little treasure and he could even sleep with her again but just if he wants to. Yeah that is an honest person. Not someone like me that tells you what they think and tells you it could be more knowing that only by looking at someone can you start a real love affair. No I am just I lier.

Before, I deleated her from this part of my life, I would tell her to buck up and try to endore the heard times that are coming in her family. That her parents are slpitting up as the youngest daught/child leaves home is a very old fashioned pattern. Her parents have gone through the lust and true love parts of their relationship but at some point they couldn't feel the love they hjad for each other. They Both became more devoted to the duty of being parents and maintianing the family not as much for each other but because of their common children. Her sistrer (if she could talk to her without vomitting) likely saw this and that is part of what motivated her sister to find someone (any one no matter how scummy) to love and give herself to fully. Her boyfriend is a shelter to a storm she saw coming (even though she by doing this helped the storm to arrieve). All is not lost however. Often persons that live this pattern as parents do find that by walking this path together that they can relate to each other better then anyone else. As a result often they wonder apart for a short time only to find that the person that they truely love is the one that they walked the path with - each other. The most important thing for hewr to remember is that they stayed together and made a family based on love for her and her sister. They gave their lives to make her life better. As long as she shows her love for them it will all work outfine. Also, it seems she has another to be with. I hope that she dinds happiness there and I hope that she comes to engoy her new love and become a beautiful For him. I hope that she will accept the love and feelings that this person shows for her without reservation. If she does then she will be a very beautiful person, unlike the ugly one she was to me.

Of course, right noe I have to deal with my blinding stupid anger. I am trying to deal with the darkness in my head and the sourse of this anger is the d within me. I am not broken just hurting inside. I even know where it comes from. But I will not talk about that until I know no one is looking.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

10:33PM - Two little quezes

For those that wondered why my dragon aspect is so nasty a least this one sounds almost right. I like it I guess. At least for now.

You're a Flamer! Your dragon side shows you as
being agressive and tough.(What else would you
expect from a fire dragon?) You often think of
yourself before others, but your friend still
look up to you. Calm your temper to gain even
more admirers, but keep your firm grip on life,
for its you most useful trait.

What kind of Dragon are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And of course I am a panther liger so this was obvious wasn't it.

You're a Cat-person
Congrats. You're a catperson!

Which type of fantasy furry are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

10:10PM - Then they came after the Homosexuals

That phase comes from the words of a German holocaust survivor. It is so true it is not funny. The 'good guys' go after the homosexuals first because of many reasons but when they do it is up to those that remember to strike at them and bring everyone to strike at them. Just because I am not a homosexual means nothing. If you wait for them they will some after you. Today, the supreme court of the USA spoke and said that the government has no right to determine what two adult persons do it their bedroom. I rejoice because this is the way it must be. Many persons say this limits the value of marriage. This is wrong. Since when does attacking the lives that others lead EVER support anything but that oppression. The government was being used by homophobes(really homo-haters) and hypocrites to attack our fellow Americans. This is not what OUR government is for. Now these persons say that this is a president for prostitution, child rape and bestiality. What hokum! When two persons get together to practice Tai Chi or programing these fools would say nothing. But if sex is involved the the persons had better be the persons had better meet their approval. It they don't then they must be a whore, a child or an animal. It is a simple rule. Only have sex with persons that can legally consent to do so. Numbers don't count. Sex doesn't count . Race doesn't count. Just honest consent. That is all that matters. (For the record and to make it clear that these arguments are obliterated - whores include money, pedophiles are rapists and animals can't consent (unless they can talk to you in which case you should be rich).

Enough stupid words from me.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

2:34AM - Funny depressing

I was watching the Unscrewed show and I was heard that the women that goes iskip.com was going out with the guy that does iblowbubbles.com. The fact that they didn't work out belys the fact that I have a smarter message then that (well I could if I put it out there) and I have gotten zip.

Oh yeah...

I lost my job. The bigger company that my company was doing work for pulled the plug and I was laid off. So I am looking for a new job. Love this jobless 'recovery" (AKA the republican recession).

I am stayuing with the clubs and stuff that I shared with Colleen because she can't take over. I hate having to be around knowing that she is scared and hates me (having no reason why she has gotten to be like this towards me). but I don't want to hurt the others in the group. (I don't want to hurt her feelings either but hey it seems me breathing on the planet does that).

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